No means no! Or does it?

So, I just came across this post in a random group that I follow on my social media and it is just when it struck me - don't we have such confusions all the time? Why do we fail to say what we mean to say? Is such a response conditioned in women? Is it cultural? Most importantly though, does it promote activities of stalking or for that matter other forms of harassment?

It is at this point that I am inclined to think about our very own Bollywood cinema or for that matter commercial cinema from most other parts of India. A stereotypical Indian commercial film will have a male lead who in his romantic endeavor will keep insisting on a relationship, even after a consistent 'NO' from the female character, until she actually gives in. Interestingly, after all those 'Nooooo(s)' and 'Naaaaaa(s)', she gives in and the male lead becomes her soulmate which she is convinced, were destined to be together throughout their seven lives. 

While we all have this tendency to laugh it out we do not really understand how such things affect us. We internalize such behavior and think of it as completely normal and normalization is what makes it extremely dangerous. In a very interesting incident in Australia, an Indian student stalked two different women and constantly texted and called them but he was later not convicted for it, even after a case was filed. The judge took into account the cultural background of the student and on the pre-text of Indian films depicting the fate of the male lead managing to convince the female character to fall in love with him after a consistent and mostly obsessive pursuit. Link to report.

The onus of the transgression though is not just on men, as it seems more apparent, I think women are equally responsible. As is the case in the post which is the highlight of this discussion, clearly, she wanted the man to try harder and did not want to give in to the proposal in the first instance. Some men, especially because the popular culture so endorses it, might not take a 'No' for a 'No' on face value because they will believe that it is just a call for more effort.  

I guess, such reactions on the part of women do manifest owing to a mindset of being adjudged 'a slut', if one is too easy but in the Indian context, it is way more than that. With sexuality being controlled through a system of arranged marriages and the obsession for 'the virgin bride', I am inclined to believe that it is also very tough for women to come out and openly profess their liking for an individual. 

I think there is a need to change and adapt to modern times. We as individuals need to learn to speak what we really mean to and not expect someone to just decode what we say. I have been trained in communication studies and in it, we have a concept of 'Aberrant Decoding' which essentially means there is a chance for multiple interpretations to the same message and sometimes those interpretations might not conform to the message intended by the sender. I think there is a need to eliminate this problem of 'Aberrant Decoding' as far as it is possible so that we can make this world a better place. To prove my point let's take a look at this video that depicts a typical proposal of love in a Bollywood film.